Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in I never met a more impossible girl.'s LiveJournal:

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Monday, January 22nd, 2007
5:45 pm	One-Liner My grandpa died this morning. Current Mood: emotionally pained Current Music: Trans-Siberian Orchestra (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, November 13th, 2006
4:28 pm	so... is it just me... or has anyone noticed that i stop interacting with everyone when i do something like the plays? cuz.. i do. entirely. and i'm really sorry about that... i feel a little lost. i don't like it.  and i'm really fucking cold. Current Mood: i'm a tiny pepper Current Music: jumble of whatever in my head. (Comment on this)
Friday, September 29th, 2006
4:47 pm	for cassi Cassi, you suck... Your response to my survery thinger made me cry. Goodness gracious, I miss you. I've been thinking that a lot lately... since, ya know... I see your sister every day. We need to hang out. And I'm not just saying that... We need to figure out a day. like... Soon.  Did I mention that I'm highly emotional right now and I need a hug? Cuz I definitely do... Current Mood: upset Current Music: Jane- Barenaked Ladies (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, September 25th, 2006
6:17 pm	survey thinger... DO IT!!!!!!  1.Your Middle Name: 2. Age: 3. Single or Taken: 4. Favorite Movie: 5. Favorite Song: 6. Favorite Band/Artist: 7. Dirty or Clean: 8. Tattoos and/or Piercings: HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ... 1. Do we know each other outside of Live Journal? 2. What's your philosophy on life? 3. Would you have my back in a fight? 4. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest? 5. What is your favorite memory of us? 6. Would you give me a kidney? 7. Tell me one odd/intresting fact about you: 8. Would you take care of me when I'm sick? 9. Can we get together and make a cake? 10. Have you heard any rumors of me lately? 11. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me? 12. Do you think I'm a good person? 13. Would you drive across country with me? 14. Do you think I'm attractive? 15. If you could change anything about me, would you? 16. What do you wear to sleep? 17. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out? 18. Would you go on a date with me if i asked you? 19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? 20. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you? and it has begun... i live... at school... again. i'm home now... but i won't be home tomorrow until much later than usual... and... just as an fyi. Never decide to stay at school until 530 and forget food... its a very very bad idea... Current Mood: jovial Current Music: I think... it's something by falloutboy. But it's in my head (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 17th, 2006
11:23 pm	"It gets rid of my wrinkles AND quenches my thirst! Thanks Nesquik!" lmao. i love liz.... Current Mood: Laughing Current Music: There's a Reason These Tables are Numbered.... (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 14th, 2006
4:12 pm	I GOT AN 8 ON MY IMPROMPTU!!!! I am sooo insanely happy it's unreal.... I was supposed to have totally bombed that.... And I got an 8. I can't believe it... Mind you, it's the first impromptu of the year, and she's grading easier than usual. But I got an 8. I'm fuckin' ecstatic... For those who don't know, I'm talking about AP Eng. Lit. We took an impromptu yesterday and I totally thought I'd blow it. The highest you can get on an impromptu is 9. an 8 is like an A-. I'm like uber-ecstatic. Current Mood: uber-happy joyness Current Music: Modern Moonlight- Dresden Dolls (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, September 1st, 2006
3:00 pm	Extraversion |||||||||| 36% Stability |||||||||| 33% Orderliness |||||||||| 40% Accommodation |||||||||||||||| 70% Interdependence |||||||||||| 50% Intellectual |||||||||||||||| 63% Mystical |||||||||||||||| 63% Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Religious || 10% Hedonism |||| 16% Materialism |||| 16% Narcissism |||||||||||| 50% Adventurousness |||||||||| 36% Work ethic |||||||||||| 50% Self absorbed |||||||||| 36% Conflict seeking |||||||||| 36% Need to dominate |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Avoidant |||||| 30% Anti-authority |||||||||||||| 56% Wealth |||| 16% Dependency |||||||||||||| 56% Change averse |||||||||||||||| 63% Cautiousness |||||||||||||| 56% Individuality |||||||||||||||||| 76% Sexuality |||||||||||| 43% Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||| 63% Physical security |||||||||||| 50% Physical Fitness |||| 17% Histrionic |||||| 30% Paranoia |||||||||||||| 56% Vanity |||||||||| 36% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||| 50% Female cliche |||||||||||||||| 63% Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test personality tests by similarminds.com Stability results were moderately low which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious. Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment. Extraversion results were moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive. trait snapshot: messy, depressed, introverted, feels invisible, does not make friends easily, nihilistic, reveals little about self, fragile, dark, bizarre, feels undesirable, dislikes leadership, reclusive, weird, irritable, frequently second guesses self, unassertive, unsympathetic, low self control, observer, worrying, phobic, suspicious, unproductive, avoidant, negative, bad at saving money, emotionally sensitive, does not like to stand out, dislikes large parties, submissive, daydreamer i dunno... i just liked this. *shrug* i'm gonna see mike tonight... then tomorrow, i'm leaving to camp. yup. fun stuff. CASA starts tuesday, Ferndale starts wednesday. I think i'm gonna go to ferndale on tuesday, meet the new orchestra teacher. help out and stuff. that should be pretty cool.. well, i need to get out of my pjs and put a load of laundry. i prefer for my clothes to be clean.... Current Mood: eh. there. Current Music: 96.3 is playing. but i'm not paying attention to it. (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 31st, 2006
11:30 am	I think I'm gonna splode reasons: classes senior pictures financial aid sholarships colleges community college v. universities mike mom homework eating too little friends theatre my major orchestra sex not knowing what i want hating my own brain music doubts second guessing at life employment applications ADD plans going awry hurting knots in my stomach illness scheduling tasting blood in my coughs exhaustion impending start-of-school depression i think that's about it... there may be more, but i suppose i'm just not acknowledging them... now.. i'm gonna go shower and get ready so i can go change my schedule and then see lizzie and ryan. cuz i heart liz and ryan is just... well... adorable. Current Mood: sad Current Music: hello- evanescence (Comment on this)
Friday, August 25th, 2006
7:25 pm	schedule for the first time in 7 schedules... they actually did it right. well, mostly. only one thing got screwed up and that's cuz my counselor needs to be beaten with a stick until she can no longer breathe. yup. i've been thinking that for 5 years now... i hate her passionately. 1- Economics- Hunter 2- Symphony Orchestra- TBA 3- Trigonometry- Kantor 4- AP English Lit- Pennock CASA 6- Application of Genetics- Rube!!! ^.^! 7- Philosophy- Dunno my teacher's name yet. I'll figure it out in a couple weeks. see... the only thing wrong is trig. I'm supposed to be in precalc. i had the sig from TJ to be in precalc. fuckin' counselor saw that i failed last year and determined.. she must not be smart enough. TRIG! i need to prove to him that i can do it, goddamn it. i am not leaving ferndale high until i pass that class. i have a score to settle. grrr... Current Mood: i will do it, damn it. Current Music: none. but i'm about to turn on Dirty Dancing. ha. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 23rd, 2006
9:22 pm	I'm no longer single. I almost made it a year... officially... then again.. in my mind. we stopped dating last june. I stopped being in love with Mario in like February of 05. so... yeah. I'm picking up my schedule on friday. I think I'll post it then. I am so beyond bored right now. I want to talk to someone. but I don't. I want to draw or write. But I don't. I want to read. But I don't. It's very confusing to be me right about now. I'm cleaning tomorrow. and reading. and i think dying my hair. and badgering mom to go shopping. i need to look at clothes for my senior pictures and get a new bra. every needs to know that. Have I mentioned that I am scared shitless of college? Oh my god, kill me now, I think I forgot how to breathe... I love my away message for AIM right now. Bored. Dresden Dolls. Myspace. dA. Singing. Thinking. Call me. Alone. Vincent Valentine. Azul the Cerulean. Two days. Lose of larynx. Sex Changes. Neopets. Chemistry. Shores of California. Bored. Fix me. *** *** **** Though it's still under my bed on vibrate. Trista undergoing maintenance. Boredom took over. Current Mood: untterly bored out of my mind. Current Music: Delilah- The Dresden Dolls (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 15th, 2006
2:29 pm	userpics soo... you will definitely be seeing new userpics from me. I spent the morning making new ones. go to my info and check them out. I think I did a pretty damn good job with them. i did 4 that are goo goo dolls themed. heh. I just really like them. and now sandy can stop bitching at me about stolen icons that she gave to me. and i realized last night just how frickin' awesome i am. so i'm in a pretty good mood right now. love to all. ^.^ Current Mood: pretty damn amazing Current Music: iris- the goo goo dolls (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 2nd, 2006
1:38 pm	updates on my life. PE is done in two days. Tomorrow is the last day we do anything productive. I'm kinda happy. I'm really tired of walking 2 miles to get home. that's the most grueling part. i hate it. Today was really scary, though. I've been sick. I know this. but my brain has been fuzzy and it's messing with me. and today i forgot to eat breakfast. That's really really bad for me. My blood sugar goes all whacky. i ran to first base and everyone was arguing over if i was safe or not and i was shaking. all over, shaking. I didn't even notice until someone said something to me about it. I also ran into someone getting to first a different time. I still hurt from that. Our knees hit and now mine's all pretty and bruised up. it's purple. we went to best buy yesterday so Josh could get V for Vendetta. I went to look at digital drawing tablets. There was one there. It's smaller than the one i want but it would work. I like it. I was walking around the store with it. Mom said that may be my birthday gift. I want it to be October. beyond a doubt. She was looking at cameras cuz she's flying to San Diego and then driving back. My aunt is moving back to Michigan and Mom's helping. But they're turning it more into a road trip and they're going to like, the grand canyon and Mt. Rushmore and the giant ball of string and all that. So mom was looking to get a new digital camera. Cuz ours is old and crappy. she was looking at a Kodak Z650 which is pretty amazing. But today she was online and found the Canon Powershot S2 IS. 12x Optical zoom. it's gorgeous. and it is hers. but... She said that she'll let me use it whenever I want. Oh man... Can't wait. Want that camera... I want it to be next Tuesday. I'm doing something stupid and hilarious with the guy i like. We're having a pie fight. Cuz we're a couple of idiots. but it seems like so much fun. We're both waaaay excited about this. we're freaks. but it's ok... and grandpa doesn't have cancer. I'm still trying to figure it out... but I'm happy about it. My cousin says he's doing pretty great. I sure hope so. I may see Lauren this weekend. Looking forward to that, for sure. I'll be at my other aunt's house while mom is out in California and across the country. I've been listening to The Dresden Dolls new album Yes, Virginia since Lea brought it over yesterday afternoon. I put it into my computer as soon as she got it open. It's addictive. I love it. I've got stuff to do so i'm gonna go now. love. Current Mood: pretty happy. Current Music: Yes, Virginia --The Dresden Dolls (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 9th, 2006
9:14 pm	just thinking. something new. I'm listening to Shawn Mullins' acoustic version of Lullaby. I really like it... especially compared to the normal version. It's so much more.. passionate and real, I guess. It's just... so real. It makes me feel human. Earlier, I was playing 20 questions with the guy I like on AIM. I asked a question that, from me, could seem like it has no alterior motive. But it did. I asked him if he would dance with me, even if there was no music to dance to. His answer was a bit vague in wording... but I knew what he meant. He said "If you really want me to. I suck at dancing." but it made me smile nonetheless. I've got to ask, is it a crush if he knows and likes you back, but you're just not doing anything about it? I dunno... But I like this feeling... *shrug* I'm officially sick. It sucks. And I'm bored. So all that leaves me to do is think. And I don't even know what I'm thinking about... But it's leaving me speechless and heavily light-hearted... if that makes any sense at all. I start phys ed tomorrow. four weeks, 5 days a week, 2.5 hours a day. that's 20 days... 50 hours. great. I'm gonna be so drained. oh really energetic. I don't know yet. And I don't know if I'm looking forward to it or not. I am, but I hate gym and all that jazz... so I really don't know. I really want to hang out with someone BEFORE thursday... But I doubt I will. All the same, alone time is needed, I guess. And I'm purging my bedroom of things I no longer need. I seriously need it. Nostalgia is not that important. I'm purging. Have you ever wanted to write and you had words in your head but they don't really make sense so you never write them down? I feel that way a lot lately. And not just with writing. Art, too. I have so many ideas, they could be amazing, but I don't know where to start. It's really quite heart-wrenching. I've always felt more or less than human as long as I can remember. Usually more than human, but if I was particularly upset, I was always less. But recently... I feel. Entirely human. It's so different. I've been feeling a lot of non-emotions that I usually don't lately. Feminine, human, beautiful. It's so odd. And yet, not once, did I dislike any of them. I'm quite welcoming of it. It's just so... different and new. I want it to be August. My best friend will be home. Summer school will be over. School will be starting soon. I may find a job. Senior pictures. Senior... anything. lol. I'm ready to be around lots of people and to be a senior. I'm ready for this year. And I don't even know why. I just am. I kind of feel like I'm ready for anything. I like this feeling. It's really good. I just feel like anything that gets thrown at me, I can take it. I'm ready for it. I'm ready to... actually live, I guess. I'm just... ready. Current Mood: pensive... and kinda sick Current Music: lullaby acoustic- shawn mullins (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 8th, 2006
1:41 am	I saw Pirates at 10pm. It was frickin' kickass! I saw Ben and Andy and Mary and Scott. That was pretty cool. And Ben was the only one who even noticed my braces were gone. Then again, it was Ben. Of course he would. Clerks II is coming out in 2 weeks!!!!!!!! I am soooooooooooooooooo excited. Oh man.... My stomach is still all twisty from the guy situation two days ago. Surprisingly (to me) it really hurt this time. But I still haven't cried about it. Maybe that's why it hurts so bad. But I don't feel like crying... I just... can't stop thinking about him. And what it is about me that makes no one want to be with me. But I can't help that feel that he does want me. That maybe he is telling the truth... Not just trying to protect me and my feelings... Not like everyone else. That always backfires though. It just makes me a bit bitter and jaded. That's all... But... I can't be mad. I really like him... I feel sick. I've become so feminine, I think I'm making myself want to hurl. I really do... Cuz I definitely want to spew... god. ugh. I found out that the lead singer from Letters To Cleo is the chick who sings for Josie in Josie and the Pussycats. So i've been listening to the soundtrack all day. I still know almost all the words.. It's frightening. But I love her voice... So it's ok. 10 Things I Hate About You and Josie and the Pussycats... What a mix... ****** I leave you with the lyrics to "Pretend To Be Nice" by Josie and the Pussycats Well he looks at me with those innocent eyes And says, "It looks like you're wearin' some kind of disguise Because your hair sticks up, your shoes are untied I hope that you got that shirt at half price..." And every word I say falls flat on the floor I try to tell a joke, he's heard it before And I don't think that I can take it no more He's driving right out my front door Why do you do what you do to me, baby? You're shakin' my confidence, driving me crazy You know if I could, I do anything for you Please don't ignore me cuz you know I adore you Can't you just pretend to be nice Could you at least pretend to be nice If you could just pretend to be nice Everything in my life would be alright oowee oowee oowee oowee oowee-uhooo oowee oowee oowee oowee oowee-uhooo And I try so hard just to figure him out But he won't tell me what he's been thinkin' about And then he falls asleep on the living room couch With his sunglasses on and his tongue hangin' out Then he disappears for a week at a time And then he shows up, just like everything's fine I don't get what goes on in his mind But I'm tired of hearing those same stupid lines Why do you do what you do to me, baby? You're shakin' my confidence, driving me crazy You know if I could, I do anything for you Please don't ignore me cuz you know I adore you Can't you just pretend to be nice Could you at least pretend to be nice If you could just pretend to be nice Everything in my life would be alright oowee oowee oowee oowee oowee-uhooo oowee oowee oowee oowee oowee-uhooo Why do you do what you do to me, baby? You're shakin' my confidence, driving me crazy You know if I could, I do anything for you Don't mean to bore you cuz you know I adore you Can't you just pretend to be nice Could you at least pretend to be nice If you could just pretend to be nice Everything in my life would be alright **end at 2:10 am** Current Mood: blah Current Music: Josie and the Pussycats soundtrack (Comment on this)
Friday, July 7th, 2006
2:23 pm	Gotta really wonder sometimes... So this is pretty interesting... All that awesome stuff that i was talking about the other day... Seems to have disappeared. That guy that I was with "Isn't ready yet." apparently, it's still too soon after he and his ex broke up. i'm really tired of "just staying friends" or "not ready yet"s. They piss me off. And that's all I seem to get. I just really want someone to want to be with me. And do it. Have someone let me know they want me... More than once. That'd be nice. And my braces did get taken off yesterday. For the most part. I still have 6 brackets on my bottom jaw. And I was going to go see my grandpa tomorrow. Now I'm not. Oh well. *sighs frustratedly* My mother doesn't feel like driving anywhere this weekend. So I'm not goin' anywhere I can't walk to. I start summer school on monday. Oh, how fun. *gags* well, I'm kinda pissed and I don't want this to be bitch fest. So I'm done for now. I just love that right when my life is going the way I want it to... Everything backfires and blows up in my fucking face. Am I not allowed to be perfectly happy? Current Mood: frustrated Current Music: none. isn't that peachy? (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 5th, 2006
9:15 am	26 hours and 45 minutes. yes i am counting down. shut up. i'm excited. someone call me. today's your last chance to see me with metal mouth. i'm free after 3. loves! Current Mood: dancing! Current Music: broadway- the goo goo dolls (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 4th, 2006
8:08 pm	so. here's the news. grandpa's still kickin'. I am so happy for that. I spent sunday to friday at my aunt's house (not my dad's) so that I could be with him. He's doing... ok. He's fighting, and that's what counts, right? He's gonna try to make it to the end of the summer. I'm hopefully gonna see him this weekend as well. I want him to be able to see me without braces. That's my only true want right now. in less than 40 hours, i will be braces-less. how awesome is that? *does a happy dance* I got new clothes recently. this includes: 3 skirts. one of them is pink. is anyone else a bit frightened by that? I am... I'm starting to feel like an honest to goodness girl... and i don't mean anything yucky... i just feel. feminine. it's... odd. But I don't think I mind... And there's this guy. I'm not gonna disclose any details. Except that... well... *smiles* he makes me feel beautiful. and here's ten reasons that makes it so awesome. 1. He's in this state. 2. He's in this county. 3. He's really close. 4. He really likes me. 5. He makes me smile. 6. He's... weird. But in a good way. 7. He finds me attractive. 8. He likes kissing me. 9. I like kissing him. 10. He misses me when I'm away. I... Couldn't feel more wanted. And I'm wanted by someone I can physically touch. And I want him. It's a different feeling for me. But I like it. A lot. And I'm really starting to notice... I love my family. Not because I have to... But because I want to. And I want to see them. Often. Even though I really can't. But I want to. And I'm even thinking that I'm beginning to forgive Dad. And I don't mind. I decided I want to be as beautiful to myself as how my guy friend sees me. It's gonna be a little hard, but I'm gonna try. And I'm gonna start wearing glasses again. I like to be able to see. It's nice. I've been watching 10 Things I Hate About You a lot... I really like that movie. I always have. And now I own it. It's a little dangerous, but it's fun. I really love my grandpa. This week has shown me he really loves me too. His attention has always been on someone else, so I've never noticed before. He began to cry when my brother and I got there. He didn't think he was going to see us. That breaks my heart a little. But I really love him. I couldn't keep myself from crying until wednesday every time i saw him. It is so painful when you see the strongest and most resilient man you know unable to move himself so he is more comfortable in the bed he is confined in and being fed through a tube. It hurts to see him look and be so weak. It's just unfair. He shouldn't have to go this way. Not in pain. Not weak. He was never weak. He shouldn't be now... But he's fighting. Even though it hurts. And that says so much. It's unreal.. well, it's july 4th, and in the USA, that means Independence Day. And that means fireworks. So I'm gonna get ready for that... Or maybe call my guy. Maybe both. toodles. Current Mood: joyful Current Music: F.N.T. - Semisonic (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 24th, 2006
8:50 pm	Grampa It's gotten worse. Thursday at 630, my dad called again. They found cancer. Grampa's weak. Even with chemo or surgery, the cancer would still win. The doctors don't think he has a chance. They're right... They're saying he has under a week left. Now I'm even more frightened. And I'm sad. And disappointed. I'm his oldest granddaughter. He won't get to see me graduate. Nor will he ever see me without braces. But the big one is still... He won't get to see me graduate. My children will never know him. Only stories that I can tell them. He is an amazing man. It always hurts worse when the good ones are the first to go. I decided to go to Dad's so I can see him. Yes, me, staying with my father, willingly. You may not comprehend it, but I do. That's what matters... I feel like I'm about to start crying again. So I'm gonna go... Current Mood: no words can describe this Current Music: "Shimmer"- Shawn Mullins (Comment on this)
Friday, June 16th, 2006
3:29 pm	My grandpa is sick. He's really sick. He now lives in the hospital. I'm really scared. This is my dad's dad. You all should know, I hate my father. quite a bit. But his father... Is wonderful. He makes me proud to be in that family. I don't know what I would do if I lost him. I'm just really scared. It's his kidneys. They're failing. I don't know if anyone in my family is compatible to give him one. I'm too young to do it. Josh never got tested to know. Not that he knew he had to. The dialysis is every two days now. I am so scared. I can barely breathe. I can't lose him. I couldn't live knowing that my children never met him. He's my grandpa. I still love being in his arms like i'm five again. He is amazing. I can't lose him yet. Even my mother loves him still. And she hates practically all of my father's family. Josh just threw it in my face. He was walking away when he just told me. no warning or anything. I haven't stopped crying yet... Could everyone pray (or whatever you do) for him. he's a major part of my world. I'm not ready to lose him yet. So please. For both him and me, hope for him. It would mean the world to me... Current Mood: scared to death. Current Music: the radio. which i haven't had the energy to turn off yet. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 8th, 2006
10:11 pm	Pure Elation doesn't even begin to describe it. July 6th. That will be one of the most important days of the summer. I will be beyond happy. July 6th. I've waited almost 3 years for this day. I have suffered through tears and pain and wanting to tear off my head for July 6th. July 6th. Has the suspense gotten to you yet? I cannot wait for this day. It is less then a month away and I can hardly hide my excitement. July 6th. My braces. Are coming off. For a week, there will be nothing in my mouth day and night that I wasn't born with. July 13th, I'll be fitted for my retainer. It's been three years. And they are finally... coming out. No more brackets. No more wires. No more plastic colored ties. No more rubber bands pulling at my teeth. No more cement. No more monthly orthodontist appointments. Now I can remember what I look like with normal teeth. But this time around, they're straight. There won't be gaps. My smile will be gorgeous. I near about cried when I found out. I can't wait... Current Mood: ecstatic Current Music: Window and Tymps- Fiona Apple (2 Comments |Comment on this)